Death to Souvenirs

I hate souvenirs. I hate them with a passion that makes me want to gouge both my eyes out with a tiny replica Eiffel Tower anytime someone tries to sell me said replica Eiffel Tower.

I hate them for a wide variety of reasons. To start, the vast majority of souvenirs are poorly made, overpriced, and unoriginal. (Who needs a tote bag made in Bangladesh to prove they’ve been to Havana?)

The stores devoted to them clog otherwise beautiful city streets. They also place a huge burden on travellers: that to buy trinkets for friends and family every time they go abroad. A colossal first world problem, I know. I’m sorry, but I stress over what to bring back for my loved ones; it’s virtually impossible to pick up a nice souvenir for everyone on my list without breaking the bank—or ripping the seams on my backpack.

Finally, and most importantly, I hate souvenirs because I can’t for the life of me imagine who would want one.

This souvenir misspelled not one, not two, but THREE London landmarks!

A good friend of mine buys her cousin a keychain every time she goes abroad. What started as a cute tradition became a bit absurd when my friend started travelling to six or seven countries a year. She has bought dozens upon dozens of keychains, spending hundreds of dollars in the process. And for what? Nobody has that many keys, and nobody needs to be reminded of all the trips they didn’t take.

The term souvenir comes from the French word for memory. Why, then, do we feel the need to buy cheap ‘memories’ and bring them home to our friends? Memories can’t be bought—they must be made.

There’s no point in getting a friend a cheap fridge magnet to remind them of memories they never had in the first place. And if that fridge magnet is for you, stop and think for a minute. If you need a crappy piece of plastic to remind you what a good time you’re having, are you having a good time at all?

Don’t worry folks, I’m not just here to berate you about rampant consumerism. I do think it’s lovely to show your friends and family that you were thinking of them while you were abroad. With that in mind, here are some souvenir replacement ideas that I guarantee will make everyone happier than a ‘My-blank-went-to-blank-and-all-I-got-was-this-stupid-t-shit’ t-shirt.

For friends and family:

1. Eatables and drinkables

If you’re in a country where you can get better food and drink than at home (or get quality stuff on the cheap), there’s no better way to celebrate your return and treat your friends than with snacks and booze. Last time I went to France, I brought back wine and cheese to share while I caught up with friends (the cheese didn’t survive the vacuum packing, but the thought was there). By sharing food and drink with your friends back home, you’re inviting them to share in a small part of your experience.

Everyone says oui to cheese platters

2. Local specialties

If the city you’re visiting specialises in a certain craft, Granada’s mosaic woodworking for example, then by all means stuff your suitcase with unique goods for your loved ones. But first, ask yourself this: will my friends care about this? Answer honestly. While you may have spent the last few weeks discovering the subtle ways in which art reflects a local culture, your gift’s recipient will lack that context. Only go for a decorative gift if you’re positive it will be well received.

Can’t get this at Walmart

3. Genuine gifts

Gifts aren’t the same as souvenirs mind you, I’m talking about birthday or Christmas presents here. If you’re coming home shortly before a special occasion, combine your gift-giving budget with your souvenir allowance to splurge on a quality piece. Museum gift shops usually have lovely (if overpriced) items. And don’t be afraid to get something they want that’s completely unrelated to where you are, like clothing. Everyone loves an excuse to say, “Oh, this? It’s from [insert exotic location here.]” Pretension is so much fun.

I’m a sucker for gift shops that use scenes like this for inspiration

4. Cultural experiences

I think the best souvenir substitutes the ones that bring your friends together to share what you’ve learned on your travels. When I got back from a lengthy stay in China, I held a tea ceremony for my roommates with the tools and tricks I had picked up (the first time you steep tea should be to rinse it, not to drink). I’d take a snippet of culture and a shared moment between friends over a trinket any time.

In some tea ceremonies, you use one cup to drink from and one to smell. At least that’s what they tell me – they may have just tricked me into buying twice as many cups…

For yourself:

5. Art

You can’t go wrong with a painting from a local artist en lieu of a souvenir. My aunt still has the sketches she bought in Paris 40 years ago (not so the baguette keychain). Not only is browsing for local art a wonderful way to spend an afternoon, a painting of a skyline or city scene is far classier than a fridge magnet with the same scene. The only drawback here is that framing your art back home will probably cost more than buying it in the first place.

My horde of souvenirs, featuring a painting worth half of the frame it’s in

6. Photography

If you’re a shutterbug, skip buying mementos altogether. Instead, print and frame your favourite shots for a much more personal way to remember your vacation. You can also use apps like Touchnote to turn your personal photos into postcards. Your nearest and dearest will get a unique greeting, and you won’t have to suffer through the hassle of finding a local post office.

I’d hang that

And finally…

Picking up everything that takes your fancy when you’re travelling seems like a great idea at the time (trust me—I brought back seven teapots from China). But when you get home, you’ll find yourself wondering what to do with all of your treasures. After a few years, your beloved souvenirs will start to seem more like, well… junk. Sad but true, that blown-glass dolphin from Venice will soon have to fight for space on your mantle with the Roman warrior from outside the Coliseum. The dolphin may lose a fin in the ensuing struggle, but that won’t upset you as much as you once thought it would.

This brings me to my final souvenir tip: limit yourself to as few as you can manage (try for one per country, or even one per trip), and choose wisely. Look for something of quality that reflects your experience without shoving it in your face—think a Grecian silver ring with traditional patterns rather than a charm bracelet with flying male genitalia. When you pick a quality item that comes with a story (either personal or cultural), you will naturally associate it with your fondest memories.

Who am I kidding. Of course you should get yourself one of these babies

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So death to cheap souvenirs, because you should never need a t-shirt to tell you how much you ❤ to travel.